Jumping out of my comfort zone with boudoir

The phrase “self-care” is loaded with a couple different interpretations. To celebrate my golden birthday in March, I went through a journey of several self-care appointments; a robust mix of good-for-me activities that ran a range between relaxing and exciting. One ticket item, a boudoir photo shoot, was the type of self-care that exists outside of my comfort zone: pushing my own boundaries to grow and expand.

It was worth it.

Here’s my boudoir photo shoot journey.

How it happened

It was meant to be! The universe conspired. Long story short, I applied for a model call, filled out a form. They chose me!

A key motivation for applying was to try out a boudoir shoot as part of my golden birthday month “treat yourself” self-care series. It was so beyond my comfort zone, so I just knew it could fit into my goals for tough love. Plus, a reminder of what I’ve learned to be true: I can do hard things!

My internal journey

What’s scary about boudoir for me isn’t necessarily posing and taking photos. Actually, not at all. I loved it! I’ve done some modeling in the past (with more clothes on), and this was one of the best sessions. All thanks to a photographer that gave me clear direction and support.

In all honesty, I barely noticed the exposed skin. That’s how comfortable I was.

No—for me, the discomfort exists in my own journey of owning my sexuality outward. I have some internal resignations about acknowledging or embracing myself in a sexy way because of two main factors:

1. Being in a relationship with the same person since I was 16
2. I am a recovering “good girl” (a.k.a., I am working to release internal misogyny)

These two things go hand-in-hand, of course.

Being a good girl was such an important part of how I showed up to myself and to others. It was a main piece of my entire identity. It’s still affecting my relationship with my body: how I dress, how comfortable I am showing skin, etc.

I’m sure you can imagine how this is difficult, based on the messaging society has always relayed on girls and their bodies. It’s always been reinforced, time and time and time again: good girls do not wear revealing clothing, good girls are not overtly sexual, good girls do not flaunt their skin or their looks or their bodies or make too much fuss or make too much noise or—

The list goes on and on.

The good-girl attitude has intertwined with my relationship, too. I have always had a hard time allowing myself to be perceived (at all, lol) as a sex-forward person because I’ve always been attached to Chad. Such a large part of my identity has always been tied to him. Even though I intellectually know that my body is my own, my internalized misogyny lends me to feel that sharing too much skin, (or being overtly sexual), is disrespectful. To my relationship, my partner, and myself.

That’s obviously not true.

But it’s hard to change the things we’ve been programmed to believe about ourselves, even if its never been overt. I have never once enforced this judgment on others, but it has been a quiet guiding force. It operates each time I pick out an outfit. It’s there, it exists.

Enter: boudoir.

So, here’s where I am pushed, and where the growth happens. It’s not outside of my comfort zone to dress up, to take the pictures. It’s uncomfortable for me to share them.

However, my discomfort is rooted in that simple misogyny. I don’t want to live that way anymore. Modesty does not empower me and I don’t need it to. I want to be someone that does not let clothing—or lack of—have any impact on how I see myself and show up in the world.

The boudoir experience

Here’s how my boudoir experience unfolded!

Before the session

In my initial modeling inquiry, I submitted a form that asked a series of questions to better get to know me and my “goals” for the session—asking about any insecurities or areas of my body that I cherish, asking for some context around the session.

Afterward, I chose between numerous dates within the next couple of months to book my shoot.

From there, I booked my date, paid a deposit, and also booked a consultation via video chat a week or so prior. Afterward, Buxom Boudoir sent me a digital Dream Planner site that walked me through every single step of the way, from week-of tips and preparation to day-of scheduling, outfit selection, parking information, and more. It was an incredible resource!

When my video call consultation took place, I was able to meet Alicia face-to-face, and we went over all of the details of my shoot. We reviewed the details of the Dream Planner, and she was able to ask any questions I had, and hype me up for my upcoming day.

Day-of session

The session took place in the gorgeous Port Washington, in the Buxom Boudoir studio right on the harbor. It’s the most beautiful location, though it’s important to allow yourself plenty of time for parking and to find the studio, because it’s a little tricky!

The session started at 9 a.m. sharp. After meeting Alicia and grabbing some coffee (a must), we got to work! Local makeup and hair artist Megan Johnson of Winlulee Beauty got to work on my face first, then curled my hair. It was incredible to feel so pampered and to get another person’s interpretation of makeup on my face.

Next, Alicia and I discussed outfits—you get three for your photoshoot. Though you can bring your own, I opted to take advantage of the Buxom Boudoir wardrobe. Alicia asked me about styles I like—fit, color, type, etc., and mixed it with her own expert eye. She brought out several outfits for me to choose from, and we ended up with three incredible looks. I also added the “Harbor Walk” add on to my session, so I picked out a gown to wear outside for our last pictures of the day.

From there, I put on each outfit in the private and comfortable bathroom, and walked into the studio ready to dazzle! Alicia did the rest, posing me, showing me what to do, and making it a fun, exciting, and sexy process. This repeated with all three outfits, before we went outside for our Harbor Walk portion, which was also magical!

After the session

The session ended around noon. At that point, we broke for an hour lunch (Alicia was kind enough to give me a gift card to enjoy downtown businesses!) and I got coffee and food at the close by Fork and Tap and Java Dock Cafe.

When I returned, it was photo reveal time! Alicia and I set up at two computers and I was able to go through alllllll of the edited pictures and save my favorites! It was so hard to choose, because they were all incredibly beautiful. I decided going into the session that I wanted 10 photos, and I walked out impossibly witling down my favorites to 15. Lol.

The photo selection process took about an hour. My boudoir session finished by 2 p.m. To conclude the appointment, we also decided on artwork type (I chose a box to hold my prints), and had it shipped to the studio for me to pick up in a couple weeks (though you can also choose to have it shipped directly to your home).

Pictures

So, here’s the picture reveal from my boudoir shoot! I’ve chosen to share a couple photos with the world (keeping some just for me of course).

All photo credit goes to Buxom Boudoir. Hair and makeup services were done by Meghan Johnson at Winlulee Beauty.

Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for tuning into my journey. This boudoir session was a gift of expression and self love, and I feel all the better for it.

Xoxoxoxo, love ya.

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