Learning and choosing love among the aches and pains

I’m still waiting for marriage to feel hard.

It feels like such an ingrained message that I’ve seen and heard and felt, through screens and jokes and advice listicles: expect that signing up for a lifetime with someone else will be a challenge. It’s the type of journey where the reward far exceeds the associated aches and pains.   

Aches?

Pains?

I can’t imagine. My husband is my safest space. He’s my home and my heart and my best friend. My aches, my pains—they don’t come from him or us or the fire that quietly keeps our cheeks warm and our hearts light.

To me, learning is the core of marriage and choice is the mechanism that keeps it turning.

We learn how to navigate situations beyond our control, how to voice our needs, how to adjust our actions and our approach and our singular way of thinking to a grander scope. It’s less about we and more about the I to the you; how to make sure my I doesn’t overshadow your you without my I getting lost along the way. Every day is filled with an opportunity to learn and the choice to act on it.

And maybe that’s why, to me, marriage isn’t hard. I like to learn.

Hard instead

To me, difficulty instead lingers in the growing pains.

It’s hard to lose a family member.
It’s hard to leave friends in the past.
It’s hard to face who you used to be while contending with what lies ahead.
It’s hard to ask for help.
It’s hard to feel mistreated or misrepresented or misunderstood.
It’s hard to pivot and grow and adjust, when sitting still sounds so much simpler.

What I’ve found, through all of the layers of hard—that I go through, that Chad has gone through, that we have faced together—there’s power in teamwork. He’s there: at my side, in my corner.

There’s a simple joy, even through the inherent struggles of being alive and figuring out how to live, that someone that is willing to love me through it all. Not only is Chad willing, but he also chooses to do so.

Honestly, I’ve got my fair share of aches and pains. Thankfully, my husband is there to hold my hand as I navigate them.

Loving him is as easy as it gets. Choosing to keep learning—that’s where our peace, our magic, lies.

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