The who and what of marriage

On my wedding day, I was nearly six years deep into my relationship.

When I said my vows and dotted the lines of my marriage license, I knew exactly who I was signing up for. Chad, the once-boy in my life, now an educated, goofy, and handsome man, was and is my best friend. I knew him then as I do now—like an extension of myself.

And, I might add, Chad is even more sweet and cute and funny and wonderful and loving now, even if I didn’t think it possible at the time.

What I was signing up for, though, has evolved over the course of the three years since saying “I do.”

I’m in love, I have my person, and we continue to grow and care for each other and our needs. In my case, marriage on its own is not very difficult. Loving Chad, committing to him, imagining and planning for and moving toward forever—easy. It’s a piece of cake, it’s a toothy grin, it’s a dance through the sprinklers on a sunny day.

Life, however, isn’t always as effortless. 

Guess what? Life and marriage connect on an intrinsic level. Like the moon and its entranced tide, one moves and the other follows. When life is hard, marriage—regardless of strength and standing—is affected. It just is; how you treat each other, support each other, and grow together is magnified and tested during trying times.

I did not know what I was signing up for, because there’s no way to totally predict the movements of life. Though you can expect normal stressful moments in marriage relating to money, jobs, chores, and communication, it’s pretty hard to expect a global pandemic to come along and tug the rug out from under you. Life has unfathomable moments, and our three years (let alone the last six months) has been a testament to that. 

Now, on our third wedding anniversary, I have fresh perspective, in addition to an endless reel of beautiful memories.

Here’s what I have come to know: the who of marriage determines the outcome of the what. And in my case:

My partner makes my lows bearable.

My person makes shared experiences adventurous.

My husband makes the mundane exciting. 

And above all, Chad makes my life warm and full of sunshine. 

Happy anniversary, Chad. I love you endlessly, and the life we are building together. Cheers to you, me, and three. 

37 thoughts on “The who and what of marriage

  1. Aw this is so sweet. Happy Anniversary to you two! I love the idea of knowing who you are marrying but not knowing the what of marriage until you’re in it. My partner and I are getting close to marriage and posts like this make me so excited!

  2. Happy third anniversary Savannah! Great point about when life is hard it can effect the relationship too. These are tough times for everyone! I think people are finding out who can band together and cope, and who ends up dumping their problems on their partner instead of working together. Thanks for the post!

    1. Thank you! I think when hard times are as magnified as they’ve been lately, it can reveal a lot of insecurities and underlying issues. I feel very fortunate for my situation for sure. Thanks for reading and for your sweet comment!

  3. I absolutely Love every bit of this post! You are a wordsmith for sure and your post about marriage and what you were signing up for feels like a great reflection on most relationships! I full heartedly agree that no matter how strong your marriage life throws some crazy unexpected things that can definitely shake you…it may not break you but it sure does have some effects! Great post!

  4. Awe what a sweet post! Happy anniversary! We are about to celebrate our fourth anniversary here in a couple of weeks too!

  5. I enjoyed reading this and loved the photos. I totally agree the who makes all the difference and one lesson I have truly learnt is for a marriage to work, the first foundation to have is friendship. Without friendship, its hard for any marriage to handle the challenges that come along.Wishing you Happy Anniversary and here’s to more years together!

  6. Such a beautiful and inspiring post! Congratulations on your third wedding anniversary, many more to come. Love is so beautiful when you actually find the right person who will stick with you through thick and thin x

  7. This post made me feel all warm and fuzzy! So adorable, you guys. Happy Anniversary to the both of you, you guys made me believe in long lasting love and commitment xx

  8. What a sweet and meaningful post to celebrate your anniversary. My husband and I are about to hit the 2 year mark in November, and I can’t believe how much time has passed already. We’ve gone through a lot in our marriage – and this year was certainly testing. But we’ve come out stronger every time. I’m so grateful to have him as my partner for life!

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