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Grateful for my drive

“I’m not sure it’s totally healthy,” my husband said, with a look of concern in his eyes. We’d been talking about my tendency to throw myself into a project. 

He’s right, kind of. When I invest myself into something, I go full speed, 125%, until it’s completely finished. He sees this on a regular basis; in college, it happened when I wrote essays and refused to take food breaks until the word count was finalized and my third draft was complete. Just the other week, I spent 8 straight hours going through all of my old newspaper clips, cutting them out and organizing them into a physical portfolio, throwing aside plans to workout, eat, or interact with anything other than my old words.

It’s something I do. Whether I’m reading a book or completely redoing my home office space, I obsess and stream roll through until I’m satisfied…and that doesn’t come until the very end.

For me, though, it’s something I’m grateful for. Yes, skipping meals and transforming into a one-track zombie is not the most healthy practice. I’ll admit to that, along with a small dose of guilt for neglecting everything else in my life, including my concerned husband, when I’m on that roll. However, it’s part of who I am, and I happen to really appreciate that side of me.

Inward Gratitude, Y’all

In the past, I’ve dedicated my gratitude posts to very important people in my life, starting with my mom, dad, late pup, and former newspaper staff. My unwavering appreciation for my husband is smeared all over my Married at 22 section, and there are many more names I’ll bring up on my monthly series.

This time, though, is for me.

When I’m compelled to act, I do it to the best of my ability. When I attack a project, the final product is something I am proud of. When I put my name on something, my endorsement has meaning. You know what? I’m grateful to myself, for being a high-quality bad ass.

Me, trying out portrait mode on my phone. Probably hungry.

I’m not a perfect person. I often question myself as a friend when I take too long to reply to texts and emails, and when I’d rather do ANYTHING besides my share of the cooking, I feel like I’m less of a partner. There are many more examples that I’m aware of, and plenty more that I’m probably not. However, when I set my mind to something, it’s a quality of redemption. I’ll go hard in the paint and deliver. For myself, for anyone in my corner.

That’s who I am. Happily so. Imperfectly, passionately, and maybe hungrily, too.

 

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40 thoughts on “Grateful for my drive

    1. That is really interesting that you bring that up, because I think I might have some elements that have similarities to autism. My biggest example, besides the obsessive focus, is my tactile sensitivity. There are certain materials that I cannot comfortably touch, which I’ve learned is mostly common in children with autism. I’m not exactly sure what that means for me, but that is extremely interesting and something to look into further. Thanks for reading and sharing!

      1. That’s really good to know! I feel as though it’s really not taught at all, or made relevant unless you have a direct family member or someone who is in the health care field. I’m sure I’m not alone in wanting and/or needing more info!

  1. I kind of relate to this? I mean, given my terrible addiction to procrastination, when I finally get my mind to focus on a task, I cannot get up till it’s finished. It’s actually comforting to know that I’m not alone in this habit. 😂

    1. Oh man, trust me, I’m a procrastinator too! I should be real here: these projects are not all the time, and only when I feel really passionate and motivated. I WISH I could do this for regular things, like folding the laundry or doing dishes. 😉 Thanks for reading!

  2. I identify with what you say. I also have this habit of drowning myself into something I want to finish and forgetting everything else. So many times I have kept meal on hold just to complete my blog post. But this kind of gives a strange kind of thrill and satisfaction.Although I have to agree with you that it is not a healthy thing in the long run.

    1. Yes, that is exactly it. I guess I hate being interrupted, especially when it comes to writing—that can really halt the creative process. I do think, though, that if it’s better managed, it doesn’t have to be unhealthy. That will just take small steps to ensure that nothing else is being neglected. Easier said than done I’m sure! Thank you very much for reading.

  3. I have this issue at times too rare as they come but when they come I am usually getting yelled at from my mom and grandmother. Just make sure once you get a chance after your project to have some self care time and give attention those you’ve ignored. I usually have to beg forgiven and stuff myself full of food.

    1. Luckily, I feel as though I’m often pretty good at managing my time. It’s just when I feel that sudden need for a new project! I think you’re totally right, and there needs to be some kind of normalcy after. I love hanging out with my husband after, and catching him up on my project’s progress. Thanks for reading!

  4. I can totally relate to this topic, the hours spent aiming to complete something and never being satisfied happens all to often. I am happy to know I’m not alone.

  5. I can relate to what you are saying especially with not eating, etc until you have finally finished what you are doing! Sounds like you have fantastic drive and determination to get things done! Well done to you for taking the initiative!

    A great read!

    Trace x

  6. I can get like that sometimes too. So focused I don’t realise how much time has slipped by. Hunger seems to disappear as I continue to work. I’m also glad you have someone who recognizes that part of you and checks in on you, I’m grateful for that for myself too.

    1. I often think that it’s a blessing and a curse, depending on the day and/or the project at hand. For anything work-related, it’s especially nice. And agreed! I’m forever grateful for that balance and difference in my partner. It makes all the difference. Thank you for reading and for your kind words.

  7. Your perspective is so fresh and the quality of this port is impressive. I share this penchant for going headlong into whatever has my attention at any particular moment. A one track mind can be a good thing…being a writer and an INFJ makes for an interesting combination. I’m following your blog now!

    1. I know exactly what you mean! At this point, I’ve figured out that forging full steam ahead is what my creative process calls for, and my writing almost suffers without that urgency. Thank you so much for reading, as well as your kind words! I’m so happy to connect. 🙂

    1. Jenny, you’re too sweet! I think that 99% of the time I’m hyper-critical about myself, and anxiety only boosts my imposter syndrome. So this was definitely an exercise to combat that. 🙂 Thank you very much for reading, plus your thoughtful comment!

  8. When I read about you working 8 hours flat out without a break you reminded me of all my coursemates from my Uni days when an assignment was close to due date. No breaks, minimal contact time with others. Just them vs that deadline!

    I think at least half the people your age wished they had the intensity or aggression that you have for goals they wanna achieve. Glad you see it as a blessing more so xD Was there a time in your life where you worked on something in a different way?

    Johnny | Johnny’s Traventures

    1. College is so intense! That was definitely a regular occurrence for me and so many other people I knew from class, too. It’s crazy to think about how time consuming school was sometimes.

      And that is extremely kind of you to say. Though I do see it as a positive, I haven’t always given it much thought—it’s just kind of who I am. I think I’ve always been that way, and it’s kind of a coping skill for all the times I feel insecure, anxious, or doubtful of my abilities; as long as I can blaze full steam ahead, I feel more confident.

      Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comment!

  9. Lovely read Savannah, thanks for sharing. I am the same, I get sooo obsessive about things and have to give it 10000%!! Not sure how healthy this is… You’re such a great writer btw – keep it up Xx

  10. This post is totally relatable. I can be exactly like this, but I have my days where I don’t feel as driven. Lately, I have been so motivated it has been difficult to shut my brain down at the end of the day. Thanks for sharing your perspective. It was fun to read. 😊

    1. I’m definitely with you. I think I could have conveyed better that while these surges of passion happen sometimes, they are not a constant. Maybe with writing, but otherwise…I fall into slumps of not feeling motivated, being lazy, etc. There’s highs and lows, for sure! I hope you’re able to find ways to wind down—you deserve it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. 🙂

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